Grief

 On April first, I had to make the hardest decision, I had to let go of my cat Stardust. He had cardiac arrest, and a blood clot caused him to be paralyzed in his back legs. He was in a lot of pain, and the emergency vet did all they could, but it was not enough. On April eleventh, I brought his ashes home.

I brought Stardust in as a tiny kitten, he was born in my Mom's backyard to a feral mama, and he was with me for eleven years. He would have turned twelve this August. He was my familiar. Every morning, he met me in the bathroom and gave me love. I would have to stop at every landing to scritch him on the way down to breakfast. He would come up on my lap and rub his face against mine, and he was obsessed with cleaning my ears. He knew when I was having a rough day and would snuggle up with me. Now he is gone.

There are no words to describe the pain. It takes every ounce of energy to keep from crying all day. Most mornings, I do not want to get out of bed. I still need to take care of the other animals, but some days I forget until much later in the day, and then it takes so much to get up and do it. I do not want to do anything but sit, play stupid games, and maybe read. But even reading is hard. I try to knit, but i find no joy in it. 

Joy is hard these days, I feel as if I am betraying Stardust by being happy. I still see him sometimes, out of the corner of my eye. Rest in peace, my sweet boy. I love you.

My snuggly boy is gone

Stardust 8/17/2011 to 4/1/2023

Writing Slump

 I have two novels started, Write Me a Life, and Lost Fledgling. The first is about an author slowly going insane while trying to write her novel. The second is part of the Dark Angel world, set eighteen-ish years after Fall of the Darkness and is about Aingeal's daughter. Both stories are in here, but I am having the hardest time getting them out of my head and onto the computer. The weather outside is dreary, cold, and miserable most days, which does not prompt me to want to write. 

I have been knitting, and crocheting, and working on my Druid studies. My son and I have been doing baking experiments. I have been reading, and finished several books since the beginning of the year, yet I cannot seem to write.

It is not for lack of trying either. There are days when I will sit here and stare at a blank screen for an hour. The flashing cursor mocking me. (Hey, wait, I think I wrote about this in the first novel.) The words are there, but when I try to type them, I cannot remember what I wanted to say. It is kind of like when you know the name of an actor, but for the life of you cannot remember it. Yeah, that. 

I am turning forty-nine in a few days, maybe that is what it is. Or it could simply be the winter blahs. I am not exactly certain. I have so much I need to get done, but blah. I hope someone out there gets this, and that I am not alone in this slump. Anyway, I will keep trying to plug away to those of you that are interested in my work. 

Thanks for listening.

Pixie

Feral Cats

 Most that know me, know that I have several cats, many of whom once lived on the streets. One cat, in particular, Snow, was an aggressive cat at first. He fought with other cats, attacked the dog, and was generally angry. I get it. He had humans once, ones he loved, and they tossed him out to live in the streets. He went from a warm home to a cold world. He had to fight to survive. He was angry. He was alone. Betrayed.

At first, he was afraid when we took him in. It took a lot to earn his trust, then he became calmer. We give him cat CBD oil for is joints, as he is an old cat, and he began playing. It took him a long time to purr, but now he will as he makes the blankets soft. He no longer goes after the dog, and has even been known to snuggle up beside her. He sleeps with the other cats, and follows us around. He is so full of love. He is content now.

My point is, that cat you find outside, the angry one, is angry for a reason. Maybe you could give them a reason to not be angry any more. The cat with the clipped ear has neutered (or spayed if a female). It does not make them any less adorable, it simply adds character. Odds are, they will love you more than a cat you buy from a breeder, because they know what hardship is, and when you give them a comfortable home and love, they will appreciate it that much more. 

Adopt don't shop.

Book Review: The Girls a Novel by Emma Cline

 I started this book a few years back, packed it with my activities for a summer camping event, then COVID hit and the tote it was in was put away. Then one day, a few months back, I pulled the tote out looking for something else and found the book. Once I started reading it, I needed to finish it.

The Girls a Novel by Emma Cline is a fictional tale paralleling the real-life horrors of living with Charles Manson and the terrible crimes they committed. You follow the story of a young woman, Evie Boyd, who felt out of place in her expensive home, snobbish friends, and her mother's lifestyle. She goes off looking for something better and finds Suzanne. Suzanne brings out feelings Evie never expected and when she was brought back to the ranch to meet Russell Hadrick she falls in love with the idea of the place.

Unfortunately, the longer she stays with them, the more she realizes something is not right, but by then she is too wrapped up in the world that she turns a blind eye to the chaos. 

An interesting read for those curious about life with Manson. and all of it's sides.

Infinite2 by Jeremy Robinson brings us back to the Galahad, a spacecraft lost to the guidance of a dead madman. The lead character, Will, battles against his own creation for his life. Unfortunately, he is immortal, and so is the insane AI trying to control him.

"Memories slam into my consciousness. Personalities. Hopes and dreams. Each one of them hard wired to cling to life. To fight for survival. To dream big and sacrifice for it." Will battles with attempting to hold onto his true self as he is barraged with numerous other personalities, each trying to overwrite the previous one.

Can Will survive? Read Infinite2 to find out.

Book Review: The Dark by Jeremy Robinson

 So, here is something I am going to start doing to fill the time between posts about my writing. I do a lot of reading, but I am horrible at writing reviews, so I want to get in some practice.

The Dark by Jeremy Robinson

The Dark starts with a Three Days of Darkness prophesy and transforms into something much more. Something, deeper, and darker, with a twist that leaves you wondering what will happen next. This book will haunt you with its monstrous villains and warm you with the youthful heroes. 

The Dark was written to play off a religious aspect of good and evil, but eventually takes a twist on the subject, one you would not expect. In the end, you will question everything you thought you believed. Watching the young battle foes stronger than them, and refusing to lose hope, raises your expectations for the future generations. 

One quote, about one of the demons, that caught my attention for the raw realism is, "But this thing...it feels like all the world's assholes and bullies run through a meat grinder, hand-shaped into a monstrous form and them charbroiled over a lake of fire for a millennium or two." Everyone has come up against that bully, and to hear the creature described in this manner, you know exactly what he is looking at.

I definitely give this book 5 Stars for the creep factor and feeling of hope it instills at the same time within you. A must read.

 

“What we've got here is failure to communicate.”

 I have to apologize for my absence. 2020 was not the best year, and my muse has been on vacation. I do, however, intend to get back on track this year. I have several books in progress, that I lost momentum on, and I hope to work my way through them. My hope is to release two new books this year. {fingers crossed}

Dualities

Hazel leads a healthy life during the day, up at seven in the morning, off to bed at ten at night.She studies psychology full-time, works on campus at the coffee shop, and has a crush on the pretty librarian. Her identical twin died in horrible accident at 21.

Lezah works nights, waking at eleven pm and going to bed at six in the morning. She works as a bartender until close, goes home with a different partner at least once a week, heading back to her place after the fun is over, and is studying for MBA online.

One day, Hazel wakes with bruises on her arms and blood under her nails but cannot remember how it happened. The previous night, Hazel was attacked in an alley on her way home. 

What is the connection between the two women, and how did they share the same experience in different areas of the state?

Sunshine and Nightmares 

Sunshine grew up with hippy parents, all about staying on the move, free love, and living by old wives tales and urban legends. Once she becomes an adult, she decides to move out on her own, buying a house in the small town of Midnight, where she meets her neighbors Nick and Ripley, and finds out this quaint little town has a dark secret, and she has moved into the center of it.

Hope everyone is staying safe, and healthy.

Happy reading.